Some of you already know, but I have a diagnosis of autism. I’ve already written a blog talking about my experiences if you want to check it out. It’s titled “My Autism”. I don’t feel like I’ve covered a whole lot of my experiences in it, good and bad, so I’m trying to elaborate more on what I go through (or have been through) in this one. Anything offensive I (might) say is completely unintentional, as there are some things that go over my head (words, phrases, etc.). I don’t mean to upset, annoy, or disappoint anyone. It just happens sometimes. I have feelings, too, and there are things that bother me from time to time, just like everyone else. I too have to get things off my chest every now and then. Not everything I address comes out the way others and I want them to. I try to come off as nice, polite, humble/modest, and respectful as possible, so I’m not out to scold or belittle anyone or anything whatsoever. I know there’s good people in this world, and I praise them for what they do. I’m only against certain people as individuals (because of something they said or did that offended me), and not the entire human race as a whole. That said, I just want others to understand my challenges. I’m not asking anyone to change or take pity on me, and I’m not trying to be desperate either. There are some big words that confuse me, whether if they’re words I’ve heard of before, but don’t know what they mean, or if it’s words I’ve never heard of before. Simply put, what I’m about to cover is all being addressed as a reality (or reality check). It is not intended to be controversial, and not to attack anyone or anything either, so please do not take any of this out of context. I try my best to omit anything that would (or could) offend anyone (or that I feel would or could offend anyone). In conclusion, please know that I try my best to be careful with how I say things. Looks and sounds can be deceiving, so don’t believe everything you see, hear, or read. Don’t judge me until you’ve gotten to know me. The traits I have include, but are not limited to, the following:
- I make video games and cartoons with my own series titled “The Adventures of Micah,” which I hope to one day adapt into a real series with the goal of getting video games, movies, and its own television series made. I’ve been working on this since I was 10. You can check out this series’ origins under my Adventures of Micah blogs titled “Series Origin”.
- I have a Multimedia Certification and an Associate of Applied Business degree in Computer Information Technology/Computer Games and Simulation Programming and Design. Aside from making video games and cartoons, I can develop/code software and create graphics from the ground up, as well as troubleshoot computers, whether it’d be glitches, error messages, and all other issues I cannot think of. Whatever issue I don’t know how to fix, I will just research it and try some of the solutions that show up in the search results. I also create and edit videos for platforms like YouTube or TikTok, as well as write books and plays. Something else I do is dance. I’m well-known for it in the community that I live in. This began back in November 2001 when I attended my first school dance at the age of 11 in 6th grade, which was my first year of middle school. I’ve actually danced before that at weddings. It just wasn’t very often. From what I recall, I first danced at a wedding at the age of 9 in 1999, right after I started 4th grade.
- I am very detail-oriented. Every little detail I put into my content/work really counts to me. I often got criticized for being “slow”. I’m only trying to be thorough with my work, as I take “quality over quantity” very seriously.
- Whatever I cannot do, I can make up for it. I can’t think of any examples, but I’m hoping you (the reader(s)) know what I’m talking about.
- While it does take longer for me to learn, process, catch on, and adapt to new things, I don’t forget it once it sinks in, which is something else that takes longer to happen in some cases. As mentioned earlier, some words confuse me, and I get overwhelmed when too much information is being delivered. There have been times where I was berated for “not listening” or “not paying attention”. I try very hard to do those things. They just don’t come at the pace others want. From my perspective, people are speaking another language when delivering big words or high volumes of information. All that aside, I am very competent in my own unique way.
- I am very well organized. I like to order things specifically (shortest to longest, smallest to largest, etc.). I sometimes get annoyed when these things are disturbed. It was much worse when I was younger, in which I would often throw tantrums.
- I can recognize patterns. As a result of this, I was able to sync my watch with my schools’ bell schedule exactly and time it down perfectly from my sophomore year of high school to my senior year. Classmates and even teachers would often ask me how much time was left before the end of a period. Never got old, as I was always happy to oblige with my unique talent.
- I can usually sense when something is off by sight, sound, or another related area, even with things that don’t pertain to my interests.
- I can remember the exact day, time, and even location a past event occurred. My mom always bragged about my memory being phenomenal. Only downside is, I remember exactly when all the bad events occurred, too. Because of this, it is very hard for me to forgive people who were obnoxious, controlling, selfish, or ignorant to me. Just remember, nobody’s perfect. So, I can’t remember everything.
- I’m a lover, not a fighter, and because of that, I’m not a taker. I’m a giver, so I try to give more than I take. I can be overgenerous at times. It’s just the impulse I have of helping others. In other words, I try putting others before myself. I don’t like to fight back, but some people leave me no choice.
- Sometimes, I just let my actions do the talking, especially if I have trouble getting my words out. I don’t always communicate with words. As the old saying goes: “Actions speak louder than words.”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but words cannot explain/express everything. It just goes to show, I have ways of getting my points across, like my last year playing little league baseball when I intentionally struck out during a tournament game on Friday, July 17th, 1998 (if I remember correctly). I came to the conclusion (and to terms) that I didn’t like the sport and just wanted it to be over.
- I always want justice to be served, especially on those who’ve wronged me, and other things (such as a new job) to happen right now. I’m usually patient (even with other people), but if someone acts inappropriately or something takes too long, I will grow testy.
- I’ve been laid off from four jobs, all of which were for economical reasons. While I may have a job that I’ve been working at for 16+ years now, this leads me to believe (on some level) that I can’t hold down a job, in spite of my best efforts trying to keep up a great work ethic.
- As we speak, I am working on getting another job. Nothing against my current one personally. I just want something that I can apply my skills and education to. I have had many interviews throughout my life, but am not getting any chances. I believe (to some degree) that employers are misunderstanding my autism and competence. I am perfectly capable and able to work. While my skills may be tailored towards making video games and cartoons, I can use them in other areas. Employers need to find the time to educate themselves on autism and other related disabilities to get a better understanding on how we function, and need to look past the disability itself, as it doesn’t define who we are. They also need to look past the applications, resume, cover letters, and all other related documents, as they are only the tip of the iceberg. We autistic people got to make a living, too. We also have bills to pay, things to get, and want to have fun. All we want is a flexible budget. We’re not asking to be rich or famous. Money isn’t everything. Frustrating doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about these rejections. It makes me feel so hopeless, thus making it hard for me to be positive. For some of us, it takes years to get our desired job. When we want something, we work for it. We don’t just sit around and wait for it to magically appear instantly in front of us. That’s not the way it is in the real world. We’re frustrated. We’re tired. We just want it to be over. We shouldn’t have to wait so long for these things to happen, especially if we have the skills and education to perform the job. Some of us might not have the skills and education employers are looking for, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn them. It might take longer for us to catch on, but it’s well worth the wait. Plus, about 85% of autistic people are UNEMPLOYED. That’s a very alarming rate if you ask me. If something isn’t done, that number is just going to keep going up when we should be bringing it down. Do not define others. I’ve spent three and a half years and ten months all together in college, and while that may not seem like a long time for some, I don’t want all that extra education going to waste. Make me say, “Totally worth the layoff at [employer]!” with a smile on my face, not, “THIS is what I got laid off from [employer] for?!” with a frown. I know some people spend a great deal of time in college, whether it’d be for a Bachelor’s degree, Master’s, or even a Doctoral, but any kind of college education needs to pay off at some point or another. Some people (like myself) don’t want to spend the rest of our lives working in fast food or at some factory. We all got to start somewhere. This goes for everyone else going through the same struggle. We want to LIVE, not SURVIVE. Taking chances/risks is intimidating, and I get it, but in a situation like this, what have you got to lose? Say whatever and reject us all you want. We’re not giving up. We’re just going to keep fighting until we get what we want.
- I’ve been denied Social Security (SSI or SSDI) many times. My family and I appealed it and stood before an Administrative Law Judge virtually, but still got nothing. My lawyer even took the case to a federal level, but…nothing. Now she can’t do anything anymore. I am receiving financial aid from Metropolitan Housing, SNAP, and HEAP, and while they are a huge help, they’re not enough for some situations. I was also on the Affordable Connectivity Program (ACP) until it was shut down back in April 2024. I don’t want to have to live off of any of this, and I’m hoping that day will come, but with so many employers not willing to give me a chance, I don’t have any other option.
- Sometimes, I will deliberately misbehave or be dramatic just to get attention, even if I’m in a good mood.
- I get very anxious when certain things change, such as a work schedule or being informed of meetings without being told what they’re about. I am always uncertain of the outcome and what potential sacrifices I’d have to make. I know change is good, but it’s never easy.
- There were times throughout my life where I got into other peoples’ hair with sharing my interests, talents, or just trying to help out, be involved, humor others, and have fun in my own unique way. This has led me to feelings of shame and burdening, causing me to believe I must be perfect (in spite of that being out of the question) and conform to certain norms, even if it means concealing my true self and being something I’m not. Something like this may make others happy, but it doesn’t make me happy. In cases like this, I feel like I’m being left for dead, or that I’m just in the way, making me believe everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around. I really wish these people would see my perks as God-given gifts, because that’s what they are! I’m not trying to use them for personal gain or to antagonize anyone. I hate feeling like I’m a terrible person and that nothing I say, do, or have matters. Doesn’t it count for anything? If my actions, words, or integrity aren’t good enough, I don’t know what is. In some cases, I feel like I need to be all work and no play.
- I have had dreams where I was deliberately left behind, mistreated, neglected, disregarded, and scapegoated for something I didn’t do (and still do to this day every now and then). I know they’re just dreams, but they seem so real. I also have periodical dreams that make me feel like my life has reached a dead end due to certain events that occur in them.
- I like to humor others by making up my own words/phrases (with both existing and non-existing words), expressing defeat in a comical/playful manner, vocalizing actions with existing/non-existing words (onomatopoeia), making funny faces, sounds, or gestures, casting people on JibJab, and other related things that people aren’t used to such as hashtagging actions, words, or phrases verbally. From 8th grade to my senior year of high school, I tried humoring others off and on by saying people or things “lack substance” if they were misbehaving or if something wasn’t working right. I never came up with a specific definition for this phrase. It was just my own comical/playful way of criticizing others and things. It was never meant to be taken seriously. In my senior year of high school, I tried humoring others by giving them and things a swiping motion with my index fingers when they and things weren’t behaving or functioning properly, even adding in the term, “Zuh!” every now and then, which I did not come up with myself. Whoever did thought that I did, and I just played along with it. Like my phrase “lacking substance”, this was just for a laugh and never meant to be taken seriously. I will admit that I overdid these (lacking substance and swiping) and a number of other things, but repetitive behavior is another characteristic I have with my autism. I just can’t help myself sometimes.
- I too crave fun, excitement, inclusion, and even companionship (romantic or friendly) in my life. I just don’t show it in the way others want or expect. As a matter of fact, I crave companionship to the point I get my feelings hurt when someone unfriends/unfollows me on social media (Facebook, Instagram, etc.), leading me to wonder if I’ve done something wrong. If it’s a predator of some kind (disrespectful admirer, scammer, etc.), I can understand, but doing it just for the heck of it is where it gets mean to me. I know I can’t make everyone happy, and can’t make others happy all the time either, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I refrain from sending and replying to messages, as well as deny friend and follow requests, out of caution, as I: I’m trying to give others space and respect their time. And II: There are some shady people in this world out to deprive others. I want all my relationships to last, but not every one of them does, sadly. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? When sending me friend or follow requests on social media, I ask that you contact me first (either by email or private message, depending on your options), disclosing your name and where you’ve seen, how you know, or how you’ve found me out, as I have had (potentially) sketchy characters reach out to me from time to time. I don’t want to mistake any of you for that, and while being friends or following me, I ask that you not contact me too often. Every once in a while to say hi or something is fine, but doing it everyday or so can be problematic. To change the subject, my desire for companionship has also led me to showing up to certain places or events unannounced, as asking to come prior often intimidated me due to the fear of being rebuffed. It’s also why I take others’ interests to heart. Not only that, I care about others to the point of getting angry/embarrassed for them whenever they’re in a hostile or disciplinary situation.
- I feel embarrassed about times where I’ve tagged someone in Facebook posts, only for them to remove it themselves. It makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong. Same goes for sending friend requests when the other person denies it or disables friend requests on their account afterwards.
- When I make a mistake, I would appreciate it if it’s brought to my attention with leniency, not hostility. I don’t know every single law or rule established, especially if it’s hidden. I also would appreciate it if any nosy questions I ask be answered politely and respectfully, not with “None of your business!” or “None of your beeswax!”, as those are just too rude to me. Same with questions that I ask at a bad time. I understand discipline, but when it’s handled so poorly, that’s when I get mad. Don’t just lash out ruthlessly. It gets you nowhere, doing more harm than good. Work smarter, not harder.
- I typically get offended when my apologies aren’t acknowledged. Granted, we can’t be sorry for everything, but I feel like it’s the only thing we can do when we make a mistake. If sorry isn’t good enough in some situations, I don’t know what is.
- I don’t like it when people don’t take no for an answer. I try to let others down gently, but some people can be very persistent/stubborn (or take offense to rejection) and compel you in saying yes to everything, which tries my patience. I don’t compel/pressure others (not on purpose, at least), so I ask that others don’t do it to me. I try my best to let others make their own honest decisions willingly and not by force, and I ask that I be respectfully declined myself. I want to be doing things because I want to, not because I have to, and I want others to have the same freedom. After all, a majority of us live in a free country. I myself don’t like saying no a lot of times due to fear of offending, disappointing, or letting others down. Because of this, I just go with the flow on a lot of things, like the time I performed Michael Jackson’s song “Bad” in a lip sync contest during my senior year of high school. Everybody loved it, which made them believe I was a Michael Jackson fan. For the record, I was a fan of the song itself (and still am to this day), which is why I chose to perform it. I can’t say for sure if I really am a fan of Michael Jackson or not. I don’t mean to brag, but man, can that guy sing and dance! I’ll give him that. That aside, I have nothing against him. I’m just not the kind of fan these people think I am. When it comes to dancing, lip syncing, or singing, I’m more focused on the music itself and not the artist. I just credit them for their work. Back to Michael Jackson, there was a time I was in love with a girl who was a die-hard fan of him, and because of my feelings of conformity that I mentioned earlier, I felt like I had to be a die-hard fan of him myself. In an attempt to impress and convince this girl to go out with me, I made myself get into Michael Jackson more by getting video games, CDs, attire, and a number of other products I cannot list out for the sake of time. There were other times I did something like this. If you want to know, just ask. I can’t promise you, though, that I’ll be comfortable talking about every one or answer all your questions.
- I don’t like being compelled into doing things, especially if it’s not important.
- I don’t like being asked one question after another. It’s overwhelming to me, and I don’t have all the answers.
- When I get scared of severe weather, injuries, or anything else, I would appreciate it if it’s handled with compassion, kindness, understanding, and so on. I don’t like being told bluntly to just “get over it”, “suck it up”, or lashed out at in any other way. That just adds to the agony. I have phobias, too, and there should be nothing wrong with that. Everybody fears something. What makes mine or anyone else’s different?
- As part of my sensory sensitivity, there are some food and beverages I find questionable. If something doesn’t feel, look, smell, or sound good to me, it’s probably not going to taste good to me.
- I can initiate conversations. It’s just not always easy.
- I can’t always read body language, facial expressions, voice tones, humor, or sarcasm, which forces me to take things to face value. Say someone comments on something I’ve said or done. They sound angry, but they’re really just joking around. I’m going to assume they really are angry with me. I would appreciate it if the other party informs me of their playfulness or seriousness. Whatever the situation may be, or I will just dwell on it. As part of this topic, I would like to apologize in advance if/whenever I interrupt, cut-off, or talk over others mid-conversation, sentence, or word. I can’t always tell if they really are done talking or just trying to collect their thoughts, so it’s completely unintentional.
- I would like to apologize if/when I don’t ask questions, express gratitude, or anything else related such as verbally responding to a question or topic. I get mentally exhausted doing things like that again and again.
- I’m no stranger to bullying, exile, heartbreak, and so on, which I often retaliated to throughout my life in hopes of putting an end to it.
- I’ve picked on people myself for the same reason(s) others picked on me. Out of insecurity, jealously, or (typically towards girls who had a crush on me that I did not feel the same way for) because they drove me crazy. I’ve even picked on a very good friend of mine (best friend) in elementary school while in love with two girls, which gave me condescending feelings towards him.
- I feel guilty (and embarrassed in some cases) about some of the mistakes I’ve made in the past, let alone regret them. There’s too many to name or I just don’t feel comfortable bringing them up because of how long ago they were. So long ago that the other party wouldn’t remember it, so bringing them up would just put me in an awkward position. Again, it’s not easy for me to let things go. They come to my mind every now and then, and because of how difficult it is for me to dismiss bad thoughts, I just let them run their course. One of the things I’m embarrassed about are some of the questions I’ve asked others that they’ve answered no to, leading me to believe I’ve asked something stupid or inappropriate. Like my guilt, there’s either too many to name or I just don’t feel comfortable bringing them up due to the length of time they occurred. I know I can’t undo what I’ve already said and done, but putting these things behind is no easy task.
- Intrusive thoughts come to my mind every once in a while, causing me to worry about what could happen or what would have happened.
- There have been a couple of times or so in college where I was “advised” to drop classes and change majors whenever I was struggling in classes. Offended as I was, I stuck to my goal of making video games and cartoons.
- I don’t mind criticism as long as it’s addressed constructively and not derogatory. I would appreciate it, though, if people would use common sense and refrain from commenting on what they don’t like. Doing so otherwise (as well as being rude and disrespectful in general) is just asking for trouble. As Thumper says in “Bambi”, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”. You could also take Will Rogers’ quote into consideration: “If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”. Long story short, think before you speak.
- When people wrong me, either by being obnoxious, dismissive, controlling, selfish, or ignorant, I would appreciate it if they apologize and explain what led up to the behavior instead of just keeping quiet about it and acting as if nothing happened, as this usually gives me a better understanding of what they might be going through (in a nutshell, take responsibility for their actions). Help others and I see the big picture. Otherwise, I’m just going to dwell on it with lingering questions and assume they really are obnoxious, dismissive, controlling, selfish, or ignorant people, making it harder for me to forgive them. When people don’t admit when they’re wrong, I’m going to believe they really do mean for their comments to be hurtful. Forgiveness (on my part) doesn’t just happen out of thin air. You have no idea how much this builds up on me. These things don’t just go away in an instant. If such people want to turn over a new leaf and atone for their actions, I say, “Be my guest.”. But they shouldn’t expect it to rub off on me easily because it normally doesn’t. When apologizing, make sure it’s done with a change of heart, not out of pity, and proof must be provided, or I’m going to assume I’m only being played for a fool.
- To rephrase what I mentioned previously, reasons (good or bad) behind acts of malice, hypocrisy, selfishness, and ignorance does not rub off on me easily due to my strong desire for justice. If people would just apologize and take accountability for their actions, let alone explain what led to such an attitude, then it might rub off on me. I can’t promise anybody it will. Otherwise, it’ll be much harder for me to forgive them. Like most people, I want answers. I don’t take pity on those who mistreat (or have mistreated) others and I, or don’t make smart choices. Not going to lie. A part of me wants to lash out, belittle, and scold people who have angered me to their faces. Please know that my bark is worse than my bite.
- I have flashbacks regularly on bad experiences. They either make me happy, sad, angry, embarrassed, or guilty.
- There was a day during my childhood where my dad got angry with my younger brother, Christopher, for getting his line tangled while fishing, leaving Christopher to respond with, “I wish you wouldn’t get mad at me because it hurts my feelings.”, which hit my dad hard. I say the exact same thing to others when they get offended with me.
- There have been times where I was berated for not doing things a certain way, mostly for petty jobs (car washing, flower watering, etc.). This has led me to believe that everything has a right and wrong way of being done. I personally don’t believe there is a right and wrong way of doing things, just as long as the job gets done.
- If I’m not mistaken, I told my boss at my very first job (which I got at the age of 16 during my sophomore year) about my autism and how it affects me. There came a day where my mom encountered her with her asking, “How’s Micah doing with his ‘little problem’?” My mom was not very happy with this.
- I often get frustrated (or angry in some cases) with people who don’t listen/understand and complicate things, especially when I try my best to elaborate on a situation. It’s one of those situations where you cannot reason with someone, no matter how hard you try. I also get frustrated when things don’t function like they’re supposed to.
- Like most people, I don’t like having my personal space invaded, time being consumed by others (such as being messaged frequently on social media), or unwanted physical contact. As much as I’m flattered to have fans, I have a life, too, and it’s nice to enjoy it every so often. I also don’t like hugs from certain people. Some hugs, I like, and some, I don’t like. Think of this as having certain foods or hobbies you like and don’t like. I’m not trying to play favorites in any way. This is just how I am. But, I am willing to make an exception (step out of my comfort zone) if it means so much to someone.
- I don’t like being coddled (treated like a child) or smothered. I want to be treated like everyone else, and that includes being treated like my current age.
- I like for things to be real. I have had people in my life just throw me a bone by saying what I wanted to hear and not actually executing a plan, or by showing toxic generosity, kindness, love and/or support, playing me for a fool. In other words, I want others to practice what they preach and not gain my trust to deceive me in some way. I try to be real and walk the walk (as well as talk the talk) with others, but not everyone returns the favor, which can be aggravating if the situation demands it. I will admit that I sometimes say and do things I don’t mean, which is usually out of anger. Other than that, I say what Horton says in “Horton Hatches the Egg”: “I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!”. Some people have gotten offended with my gullibility towards false positives, which has caused me to question niceties toward some individuals and overthink my benefit of the doubt towards them. I don’t mean to be gullible or a pushover. It’s just how I am. I don’t believe everything I see, hear, or read either. I just play things by ear or sight, only because I don’t have much of a choice. I’ve also offended some people just by being in love or crying, which makes me believe I shouldn’t have feelings and should not be positive. Simply put, I don’t like being defined or having my feelings dictated. We don’t like for things to be wishful thinking, and it’s no fun being deceived either. It hurts. A lot of these experiences have led me to believe people just make up excuses when an issue occurs.
- I talk to myself and act out scenarios often, which I do as a coping mechanism. There are some things I see or that come to my mind that really gets my blood boiling. Some people have questioned it, while others got offended and would embarrass me with certain comments they would make on it. I admit that I think out loud, and I’ve tried for so long to control that (I make it one of my birthday and New Year’s resolutions every year), but it just keeps coming back. I can’t help it. You know what they say. Old habits die hard. It’s ok to ask, but for those who aren’t willing to do so should really just disregard it and keep the comments to themselves, carrying on with their lives.
- It takes longer for me to answers questions, especially if it’s something I’ve never been asked before. I try to collect my thoughts and answer diligently, but time constraints always force me to give an answer right away. I usually respond with, “Give me a little bit while I think of a way to answer that.”, or “I don’t know how to answer that.”. I usually know the answers to the questions I’m being asked, but don’t always have the words to explain them, and I usually question if they even answer/help out the other party.
- I do not have a favorite game, movie, hobby, and so on, as there are so many in every category that I like. There have been times where I played games that involved naming a favorite in one of those categories or other categories related. When I did not provide my answer, or would provide more than one, the host would force me to name one favorite. I try to be honest with my answers, but unfortunately, some people force me to make one up.
- I try to explain my excuses delicately when I’m questioned for my mistakes, elaborate on what I mean by certain things I say, or when spreading news/updates to others, speaking the truth and nothing but the truth. Unfortunately, some people just don’t want to hear the truth and refuse to believe/listen to me, forcing me to make up stories or excuses that I know aren’t true. This just complicates things on my part, thus frustrating me with how the other party compels me into saying what they want to hear, especially if they’re always right, but never wrong. Also, I don’t always have the words to explain my reason(s).
- There are some jokes I do not find funny, most of which are potentially dangerous, disrespectful, reckless, and other terms related.
- I was often thrown under the bus whenever a bad or disliked event occurred, especially when I retaliated to being made fun of and an adult intervened. Don’t quote me on this or anything else, but I was always the weakest link. I don’t like being gaslighted by others or taken for granted.
- I had both a toxic stepmom and toxic stepdad growing up who only cared about one thing: money. Because of this, they mistreated my family and I on a regular basis.
- I would often hide and self-harm whenever I was angry, ashamed, or frustrated. For the latter, I would typically scratch, hit, punch, or bite myself, usually breaking skin (with the wounds bleeding out), and I did this as a way of communicating my feelings, as I didn’t have the words or courage to tell others verbally, or to just relieve feelings of stress or something. When doing it out of shame, I felt as if the other party didn’t like me and that self-harming was the only way to appease them. During my days, I either got punished or made fun of for these things. No one seemed to have taken it seriously. I’ve had five counseling sessions for issues like this, but I don’t think they did me any good. This is just my opinion. Maybe it has made a difference and I just don’t realize it. A lot of it (I think) was just part of maturity. In addition, I don’t like being told I’m “only hurting myself”. It sounds so obnoxious, condescending, and dismissive.
- My outer appearances and actions don’t always align with what I’m thinking or feeling (“masking”). Just because I have a blank expression on my face or speak in a monotonous tone of voice doesn’t mean I’m in a bad mood. I too get excited and empathetic about things. I just don’t always show it. You can always ask if you’re not sure of something. It’s better to do that than just assume things. Remember what I said at the beginning. Looks and sounds can be deceiving.
- I grew up during a time when knowledge, support, and awareness on autism was scarce, which is why I went through so much hardship. Despite being diagnosed at four, I (myself) didn’t know I had it until I was sixteen (while in my sophomore year of high school) when my mom one day mentioned I had what she called back in the day “autistic tendencies”, which just meant I had the tendencies of autism. It wasn’t until I was twenty-one (while in my third year of college) when I found out my diagnosis was classified as “high-functioning autism” (while the term was still being used), and simultaneously learning of the actual real traits regarding it, such as difficulty reading humor, enjoying routine, and all other characteristics involved.
- To describe my whole life in a nutshell, I spent a majority of it living up to others’ expectations by masking (concealing my true self) and trying to be something I’m not due to the scarce resources available for autism at the time. I never really had a say in anything, so I was pretty much told to agree on everything (agree to disagree). I’ve tried learning things in the exact same way and pace as others, doing what others do, and getting into the same stuff, but in the long run, it brought me nothing but pain and misery. It just goes to show, doing exactly what others want you to do has repercussions. Once I’ve accepted what all makes me Micah, things just took off from there. I’ve learned to embrace my differences by allowing myself to learn and grow in my own unique way. I still don’t approve of bad attitudes, and I want people who make such choices to be punished for them, but if they don’t like the way I live, they can just walk away. They don’t need to be around me, and I don’t need them in my life either. I want to be loved, accepted, and included like everyone else, and it has to be for who I am, not for material possessions, pity, and so on. I also want others to say what they mean and mean what they say, and not just throw me a bone by saying what I want to hear just to get my hopes up or make me happy. You can always ask if you’re not sure of something. It’s better to do that than just assume things. How else are you going to know? There have been a number of experiences that have taken a toll on my confidence, causing me to frequently question the quality of my work. I can’t say for sure if whether or not I have low self-esteem. Either way, it hurts others and I in more ways than one. I don’t like getting angry with anyone, but mess with the bull and you get the horns. Treat us with respect and we’ll treat you with respect.
There’s probably a number of other skills that I have and hardships I’ve experienced that I’m forgetting, but you can always do your own research if you’re eager to learn about this and other topics. There’s always more to the story than meets the eye. Despite my limits, I believe my unique gifts and talents could be very useful and make a big difference, as well as the effort I put forth into spreading generosity, kindness, love, and support. People just have to be willing to give me a chance. How else are they going to know? Besides, we all got to start somewhere. Bad things happen on occasion, and I don’t like it either. Why can’t we all just get along? Everything happens for a reason. Try to figure out what it is and understand it. Remember the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”. We’re all people here, and something else Horton says in “Horton Hears a Who!” is: “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”. Some bad occurrences are blessings in disguise, and in some cases, things get worse before they get better. SOME, not all. I try to be nice and get along with others, let alone help them out during a time of need to the best of my ability, but if they’re going to act out of line and mistreat me, they’re on their own with whatever it is they’re going through, and nobody should have to face/overcome adversity alone. You don’t see me being rude and disrespectful to others, so I ask others not to be that way with me. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. You don’t know what it’s like to be me, and you never will, but the least you can do is try and put yourself in my shoes. I’m a human being, just like the rest of you, and I expect to be treated like one. You might think you have me all figured out and know everything about me, but the truth is, you don’t, and you never will. You have A LOT to learn about me, and if you keep making bad choices, you got another thing coming. You can’t change anyone but yourself. Please keep in mind, I speak for everybody and not just for myself for these kinds of things. Look before you leap (or think before you act). You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. Do not judge what you don’t know/understand. Heed this warning: What goes around comes around. Don’t say or do anything you’ll regret later on because it will catch up to you eventually. Judgment day is coming, so start re-thinking your life and your decisions while you still have the time. I don’t like somebody’s pain being another person’s pleasure, or when someone finds another person’s misfortune amusing. Ask yourself. How would you like it if somebody was mistreating you? Some of you already know, and some of you don’t. Either way, you’re going to find out soon enough. It doesn’t matter if you have autism, ADD, dyslexia, or another disability (or no disability at all), everybody has a place in this world. If you can’t find one, make one. God did not make us all the same for a reason. We need each other’s differences to make this world a better place. If you don’t see that, find a way to see it. Look past the flaws. It doesn’t define any of us. There’s plenty of help to go around. We all have our bad days, including me, but taking it out on others doesn’t solve anything. You might think it does, but you’re dead wrong. Hurting others may give you the happiness you’ve been longing for, but is it worth it? You may not see it, but the struggle is real. Remember what Dr. Seuss says in “The Lorax”: “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”. Please learn from your mistakes, and from the mistakes of others. If you don’t know or understand something, find a way to learn or understand. There’s plenty of resources available. We all learn things differently, but as Thomas Jefferson once said, “All men are created equal.”. I once heard in a YouTube video, “If you can’t find help, then you need to just keep looking for help”. You could be hurting people in more ways than one, or not even realize you’re actually hurting them or how much you’ve hurt them. I know hardship is necessary for success (“No pain, no gain”, as they say). I just wish it wouldn’t last so long. I have my reasons for what I say and do, even if/when I don’t think I do or if/when I don’t have the words or courage to explain. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Get to know me before you judge me. My mom told me more than once that “good things come out of bad situations.”. If it hadn’t been for these challenging times, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Make love, not war. Here is a list of my achievements. I know it’s long. I’m just trying to prove to everyone that other autistic people and I can do miraculous things if given the chance. If I can do it, you can do it:
Newspaper Articles:
Daily Advocate (published May 2020) - https://www.dailyadvocate.com/2020/05/27/arcanum-man-lives-life-to-fullest/
My County Link (published April 2025) - https://mycountylink.com/arcanum-man-with-autism-finds-his-passion-talents/
Video Games:
Game Jolt Page (if you want to download/install my video games) - https://powermicah.gamejolt.io/
GX Games (if you want to play my video games. No download/installation required) - https://gx.games/studios/20ddd785-71c1-43a6-8839-c64d1accf42f/
GameDev (same as “Game Jolt”. Just more employment-based. This site is practically the video game industry variant of “LinkedIn”) - https://gamedev.net/members/282501/
The Adventures of Micah Facebook page - https://www.facebook.com/theadventuresofmicah
GitHub Page - https://github.com/mbarga08
YouTube:
My channel - https://www.youtube.com/@MicahBarga
NDEAM (National Disability Employment Awareness Month) video (I’m no longer with this employer) - https://youtu.be/G8KoJTurS2Q?si=x-3qThryDCs618kK
https://youtu.be/z4EKpvAb1DU?si=fsfZZGxZrDpyIxb1
Christmas video (I come in at timestamps 0:50 and 2:16) - https://youtu.be/BTHABPGU-sM?si=a0g8VIlMMFg2gMat
The Kayden Gordon Show - https://youtu.be/0K4hjw56Hpw?si=9o6GqMmUoyCCuLCH
The Kayden Gordon Show (audio version) - https://www.thekaydengordonshow.com/interviews?wix-music-track-id=7213990068803337&wix-music-comp-id=comp-l7tp51ki
The Kayden Gordon Show (audio version. File name is “Hour 2 - The Kayden Gordon Show - Today's Best Country Mix - 2-3-2024” with interview coming in at timestamp 0:43) - https://www.thekaydengordonshow.com/listen
KBOO Community Radio (Let’s Talk!) - https://youtu.be/x23ZudBvznE?si=Ek69h5zeNHf-mra0
KBOO Community Radio (Let’s Talk!) (audio version. I come in at timestamp -28:33 or 33:28, depending on your setting) - https://kboo.fm/media/124397-lets-talk-holiday-stories-featuring-call-ins-120624
Adult Autism: A Spectrum of Uniqueness - https://youtu.be/HJ96CT_z54c?si=9IpZvPtjLi9HFBxv
Adult Autism: A Spectrum of Uniqueness (audio version) - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-26-autism-as-a-college-student/id1704253125?i=1000710428260
https://open.spotify.com/episode/3zcxPIvaadJybmi60ypjAi
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/1323-adult-autism-a-spectrum-o-142698932/now-playing
Darke County Board of Developmental Disabilities Advocacy Meeting - https://youtu.be/4nwW-jfF5j0?si=tfoxz-nVDBupOf9X
Superfan Recognition - https://youtu.be/DhrhjuRdNwI?si=cM83bXOw2WhdwU-O
DD (Developmental Disabilities) Awareness Month Proclamation - https://youtu.be/GmCandmutQg?si=E6oDsLG34gLnvxx6
Arcanum Elementary School DD (Developmental Disabilities) Awareness Month visit (The parents signed a waiver regarding social media usage, in which I was given permission by the school to record and post this, or it wouldn’t be on here) - https://youtu.be/un29VNBVWTY?si=l_5vSI4Cbm4Ls0fs
Autism Acceptance Proclamation - https://youtu.be/2jCdVIDMqm8?si=rOmCL4vnq2OXmwq8
Tuesdays with Tonya - https://youtu.be/iKo2LmlxuCY?si=8R-Z6rvB-ynaofS9
Sinclair Community College TOPS (Transition Option in Post Secondary Education) Advocacy - https://youtu.be/4vCyasx2v4Q?si=BTorpHEmMbyArVsH
Edison Community College Alumni Experience Series - https://youtu.be/wz2yL4L6ylw?si=Wz1oQeACQusIzFus
Personal Autism Blog - https://youtu.be/mvEtDX93v7I?si=96--ccIbG_mkbJdW
Personal Autism PSA Shorts - https://youtu.be/twWFKLGvPBg?si=ZVz-0rFGOJx7cZEQ
https://youtu.be/04R2OtCdt1A?si=UvB28E8iMlYhg395
Articles:
Edison Community College WIRED catalog (Winter 2023 issue. Page 19 under “Alumni Highlights”) - https://www.edisonohio.edu/viewbook-digital-publication/wired-digital-publications-bookshelf
Edison Community College Alumni Experience Series Highlights - https://www.facebook.com/share/173CbLvN2n/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Edison Community College Central Network - http://bit.ly/2xtJpi3
Sinclair Community College Student Success Stories - https://www.sinclair.edu/giving/stories/micah-barga/
Sinclair Community College TOPS (Transition Option in Post Secondary Education) Highlights - https://www.facebook.com/groups/497775766397219/permalink/543869178454544/?mibextid=WC7FNe&rdid=xYlJY52fo5RIaUHX&share_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fshare%2Fp%2F15khHPvo63%2F%3Fmibextid%3DWC7FNe
Sinclair Community College Central Network - http://bit.ly/2ZqIKM3
Autism Parenting Magazine (Issue 180. Pages 85-87 under “Autism Warrior”) - https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/issue-180-building-social-skills-and-confidence/
Autism and Us - https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=977295394563763&id=100068499334427&mibextid=wwXIfr&rdid=CueHUciu7k3iY8Vs
https://www.instagram.com/p/DIbxpTVxJAX/?igsh=MWY3ZGJqOTZoOGxnZw%3D%3D
Social Media:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/micah.barga
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mbarga25/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@micbarg32?_t=8Vt0tLmIiC6&_r=1
Snapchat - https://www.snapchat.com/@micahbarga32
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/micahbarga
DeviantArt - https://www.deviantart.com/powermicah
Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B00O10C2EC
SoundCloud - https://soundcloud.com/micah-barga
Smule - https://www.smule.com/MicahBarga
#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAdults #AutismAwareness #AutismAcceptance #AutismAdvocacy
